My Own Healing Journey
Every healing journey starts somewhere. When we start to make sense of it, we can look back and see the threads woven into different parts of our lives. In the thick of it, healing feels like a dream - like something available to someone else. But I don’t believe this is true. Healing is possible. It’s not magic, it’s born of determination and persistence, and slowly waking up to the belief that our intuitions are our greatest strength.
I was born with what I now know to be an auto immune disease. Some of my earliest memories are tied to the experience of struggling for breath. If you’ve ever had an asthma attack, then you might know the feeling. My asthma attacks were in the thick of the early 1980’s when alternative forms of medicine were scarce to say the least. Questioning the food industry was unheard of, and a glass of milk with the evening meal was the measure of a healthy childhood. None of this worked for me. The administered medicine only made me worse. I developed a severe milk allergy, so much so that the smallest amount of milk would send me into a full blown asthma attack. I had no idea why my body didn’t seem to play by the same rules as everyone else.
Yet hailing from the San Francisco Bay Area, there were some things in my favor. My dad is a San Francisco native and spent his life in proximity to Chinatown. He quickly became aware that the Chinese culture did not include regular servings of milk. He became curious about the practice of medicine in Chinatown, and when it became clear that Western medicine could do nothing more for me, he started taking me to receive acupuncture. I still feel that I cannot express my gratitude enough for both of my parents in having the bravery to bring me to a system that was healing. It must have taken much inner determination to resist the social expectations of sticking with Western Medicine.
Yet, after three years of regular acupuncture treatments and the removal of all dairy from my food, my childhood returned to normal. No late night breathing scares. No rushes to the Emergency Room. No anxiety and fear about daily life. I swam, ran, hiked, laughed, and played like any other child.
My freedom lasted during the peak of my body’s health in late childhood and adolescence, until my mid twenties when I was plagued with another invisible enemy - panic attacks and depression. Again, I was plunged back into the world where nothing made sense. My body just didn’t seem to play by the same rules as those around me. I eventually chose SSRI therapy as a way of healing during this time. For a time, this worked for me. But, I opted to slowly wean myself off of this form of therapy, in hopes of moving into my child bearing years with optimum health.
What I now know is that auto immune disease does not always display the same symptoms. What can start as asthma can become depression and anxiety. Depression and anxiety can become hormone disfunction, and eventually deplete the thyroid and exhaust the adrenals. This was my own experience, and in between it all was daily life. In the thick of this roller coaster, I had three wonderful, healthy children. I turned to nutrition as a way of healing, and fought for my own healing and the healing of my children. Between eczema, lactose intolerance, and grain intolerance, I have faced canyons of confusion and deserts of unknowing. While I’ve had moments of despair, I have come out of these with even more determination to heal and find the way forward.
The cruelest part of auto immune disease is that it comes with the cloak of invisibility. From the look of everything on the outside, you are just fine. Any symptom or problem must therefore be “in your head.” The hardest part of my own healing journey was putting this lie to bed for good. Auto immune disease is real. Accepting this was the cornerstone of my own healing.
The wonderful thing about auto immune disease is that it really can be managed very well. In some instances, it can be healed. But there are therapies that work in the long term. Through diet and lifestyle, this cloaked invisible presence can greatly diminish. Life can return with the fullness of health, energy, and passion. By paying careful attention to what the body needs, those with auto immune disease can offer the wonderful gift of knowing how powerful the body is.
I share my own story because I believe that I am not alone. My suspicion is that there might be others suffering in silence, knowing that their body does not play by the same rules. They are tired of trying to describe it, and they are weary of the common consensus that they are “just fine.” To those folks I want to say, healing is possible. With the right support and oversight, you can find your path to healing.
My emerging work as a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner is one effort to help others arrive at their healing path. It is not the only way, but it can be a first step in the right direction. Whether you choose to seek nutritional therapy support or not, the message that I have for you is that you can find healing. Life is possible.
